Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
