mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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