he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
