I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
