I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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