have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
