how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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