Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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