peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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