True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
then he tried to convert me to islam
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
