3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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