Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
