textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize