i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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