i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
