everyone is single if you try hard enough
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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