im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
