Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
