no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
