I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
