If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fuck appropriateness.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
