so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
3pm strippers are depressing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
