i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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