My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize