If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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