Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize