And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
