...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
