I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize