he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
