I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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