he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
