One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
