The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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