I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
