There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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