Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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