if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
