so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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