It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
