I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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