someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
