im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
