as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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