I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
