Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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