She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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