Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
