i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize