I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
