Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
