i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he fucked my hip out of place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
