my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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