I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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