I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
this boner is exhausting
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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