if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
