I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
