thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
