piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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