I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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