i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
