She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
