I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize