so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Randomize
