There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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