Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
