after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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