Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
