Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
