420 ftw
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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