i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
