I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
