I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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