First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
