If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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